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  • Learn the best lesbian sex techniques to giving a woman incredible pleasure
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“When I began studying the effects of divorce on children and parents in the early 1970s, I, like everyone else, expected them to rally. But as time progressed, I grew increasingly worried that divorce is a long-term crisis that was affecting the psychological profile of an entire generation….the whole trajectory of an individual’s life is profoundly altered by the divorce experience.” -Judith Wallerstein, Second Chances

If There is Long-Term Damage, What Causes It?

Some research suggests that one very important factor, possibly the most important one, is conflict between parents, not the divorce itself and not the stress of living apart from one parent. Other studies have suggested that there are several critical factors…

1) What kind of relationship each child had with the parents before the divorce. 2) How bad the parental conflict was and how long it lasted. 3) How well the parents do at focusing on what their kids need during the divorce process. This is particularly important when a child is not the biological child of both parents or when one parent is gay or lesbian and the other is heterosexual.

If both parents can put the needs of the child first, that child has the best chance of being happy post-divorce. Parents can help their children by committing to co-parenting, even though they are no longer partners.

Issues Unique to Lesbian Divorce

“One main difference between heterosexual and lesbian divorce is the very high percentage of joint-custody arrangements in lesbian divorce. Just as many nonparent lesbians continue to be very connected after their divorces, lesbian mothers may also stay connected to each other, which can strengthen the coparenting arrangement.” —- D. Merilee Clunis, Ph.D and G. Dorsey Green, Ph.D, The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children

But sometimes, that is not what happens. Nonlegal parents are in a difficult position when divorce occurs if the other partner is not committed to her continued inclusion in the lives of their children. It also happens, at times, that the legal parent leaves her partner to become involved in a heterosexual relationship. In the past, that has made it easier, legally, to prevent the other mother from being able to see their children.

Often this happens because of unresolved hurt from that relationship but it often ignores the impact this decision will have on the children.

How Can Parents Help?

1) Tell the children together that you are getting a divorce. Avoid giving details about the relationship and where it went wrong. Prepare for normal questions about how it will affect them.

2) Reassure them that it is not about them; you both still love them and it is not their fault.

3) Tell them well before it happens that there will be a physical separation, move, etc.

4) Make the commitment to do all you can to help them heal from the pain of the divorce and keep that commitment in mind when you make decisions about custody, living arrangements, visitation, etc.

Because studies find that children do better in families where their parents are together (as long as there is no abuse occurring), make sure that you have considered working toward saving the marriage or relationship before making the decision to part.